30032013(b)

Dear Diary ,

It has been 10 years ..... 10 years since things things turned bitter ...... 10 years since things have not been gud ...... A lot has happened as well as not happened during this period ..... I'd just like to reflect bck today .. i knw u dnt want to go thr yet again ...dont wrry ... this is a bit different.....
        I'd like to thank you for lending me a patient ear for all these years ..... i cant tell u how vital it was to get me thru....I knw u knw how thankful i am !!!!
   I always complain...... about things ..... today i'd like to thank all the gud things that have happened ...
I have the best family , a loving mom , a great dad , an amazingly amazing brother , great relatives on both sides of the family tree ...... I am possibly the world's luckiest person whn it comes to Friends ... i have the the best friends alwasy had , always will have and hope the trend continues ...... I have a job ... and the current one is just great ...... so basically i have got a perfect life if we leave out my Love Life ..... So I'd like to thank Life for being so generous on me... As for the love life ...... we will see ....... :)

Thank You All !!!!!

30032013(a)

Dear Diary ,

Evr faced a mathematical problem where u couldn’t decide where and how to begin  ...... I find myself in a similar state these days ..... I aint sure if she is serious abt the relation she is in rite nw ......  if yes .. then id atleast know to just backoff. If not then i need to figure out a reason why she is sticking with the relation .... I cant make any advances without getting a clear view ... and how do i get a clear view ??? I need to figure that out ... till then i am stuck with a mathematical puzzle i just cant begin to solve............

29032013

Dear Diary ,

 I find myself in a strange place these days ..... One..... I am loving the professional side of life as my job seems to give me enuf opportunity to Help others ( though we get the interest , still ) I know that i am helping people in sum way . On the personal front i find myself in a strange place . there is this term called “ guilty pleasure “ , i have to confess that i am indulging into this term quite often these days . Though my domain of action restricts to Good Morning , Ensuring she has her lunch in time , good nite .... and some general chats on wassup occasionally . To speak the truth I am basically living on these things these days ..... The happiness that engulfs me ( on the mere reply of a gd nite or a gud morn ) is enormous . Its something i am not used to for almost a decade now. Its a welcome change to the state of despair that overwhelmed me for long now. 

                                              Very often i find myself imagining my life with her ..... those imaginations drive me crazily happy ...... whether be it me getting married to her ..... or me waking up to find her cute face on the side pillow .... or it be us wrking in the same branch ..... or me being there in the first row of Audience for her Retirement ...... spending the long days post our retirement with together ........ and so on and on on....... Sometimes I dream of one of these ones .... only to forget the dream in the morning .... but the heart seldom forgets the feel .... i end up spending the whole day happy and merry ( without even knowing the reason ) ...  i eventually end up remembering the dream sometimes late in the eve ..... so one good dream equals A good Day and work and Good Night Sleep too ( actually 4-5 hours of sleep on some occasions) .

    If the mere thought of her being with me can make my life so good ..... I wonder what her actual presence  would transform my life into .......... J J

28032013

Its been two days now .... two days with no gud night from her .... So that adds up to Two Completely Sleepless Nights ...... My Insomnia seems to be a Function of My Happiness Index ....... What do I Do ???? Wat else but wait ....... As someone wise once said "This shall Pass too"....

The Other Guy !!!

The Other Guy !!!! The whole term feels like Rebuke in itself  . We always watch the Other Guy in movies and television ...... the one who wrecks a couple's life for his SELFISHNESS. You always curse this guy ..... for u know u he is wrong ..... until the day you find that u are the Other Guy ( or a wannabe Other Guy ) ......... I have to say that i am not the Other Guy yet ..... ( how pathetic that i havent even qualified for that yet ) .. but that is where i seem to be intending to head .... Look i am not a Relation Breaker ...... I just keep getting this feeling that the relation she is in at this point of tym is not very serious ... for watever reason .... May be she deserves better ... I just want to ensure that if she is looking for anything better , i be there . I'd be thr for her through out ...... I just need a Chance ..... But if she is happy with whoever she is with at this point of time .... I 'd like her to stay with him ( I actually wouldnt like but wld have to give in to the fact that her happiness trumps mine ) And Her Happiness would Always trump mine .......
      I never thought i'd aspire to be the Other Guy ( After all the guy is all Villain ) , but if I can keep her happier than the guy she is currently with , why not me ...... In the end the choice has to be her's ..... and how will she ever choose me if she doesnt know / or see me as an option .................  A stand by ??? I hate to admit but yes......

24032013

I Dont know why I am trading this path ...... maybe its only natural ...a love deprived soul tries to hold on to  watever little it can fetch. A good day for me now depends on whether i get a Gud Morning from her or not and a nite's sleep ( however few the hours )  depends on her cute Gud Nite ....... Though i still barely get  3-4 hours of sleep even on gud days , the bad days ( when i dont get her Gd Nite ) goes even worse . The happist time of the day for me now is the afternoon time whn I make her take her lunch on tym ..... sometimes even she does the same , maybe just out of politeness .....  it doesnt matter , i like the fact that i get to take  care of her ( even if it is just ensuring she has her meals in tym) . I know i am pathetic ...... its ok ...... I dont knw how long this can continue ...will continue ...But for now let me collect as many souvenirs  as i can .... as many as i can till his lasts ...... So u knw this wont last for too long ..rite ????

Dont want to face that rite now ......

23032013

Its almost been a month now ..... and how r things ??? Things are really gud ..... Guess wat A couple of days ago I looked into the mirror and found a Smiling guy !!! I wondered who the guy was .....for almost a decade now i am used to see the serious sad guy staring at me from the mirror. She has changed my life ..... she’s made me Happy !!!! Very rarely come in ur life people who make you see things differently , people who make you feel so good , people who bring out sumthin better than wat u thot wld be the best of u . I found one such girl .... And i know may be we cant be together ( just in case i skipped telling u , She is committed to someone else ... how seriously ??? I don’t know ..... may be i will try to find that out very soon . .... But the bottomline is that in the mere 7-8 days that i got to spend with her, she has completely changed my outlook to life . She has made me the Happiest that i have possibly been since 2001 . I just wish i could tell her how much she means to me. I just wish she knew that miles away from her city is a guy who Loves her so much and wanyts to spend the rest of his life with her ...... I f Only She knew ... I wonder how things wld turn out eventually .....

22032013

Well u must be wondering how all this happened . Well lets try and figure this out . So here i was knowing that there was goin to be 10 day training session . TO be honest i don’t remember the first time I saw her , but then slowly and gradually she grew on me. It never occurred to me that I was treading forbidden territory. I dint get to spend much tym with her , shewas unfortunately in an another grp L . But that dint stop me . I tried my best to get max tym with her , initially I dint realise i was getting so attracted to her . Back then it wa all about the way she made me feel ...... i.e Happy , a feeling which had over the period of tym become quite alien to me . I did everything from setting up the name plates in an order tht I get a seat closest to her and just now to overdo things sometimes made myself on the opposite end of the room ( far yet getting a good view of her for the whole day ) To be truthful , on the last day of the program i think she got a bit suspicious abt me. I am not sure .. but i surely felt this. Hence on that eventful day I rearranged back the name plates ( which had been kept next each other intentionally the night before ) as i was getting a feeling that she was getting uncomfortable . The last day ended quite uneventfully , with her leaving amongst the first of the lot. I so wish to have given her one last ( first) hug ..but decided against it and eventually ended up blessing her with my hand over her head ( wtf ???? Ya i know , i later felt as if i was her Father or sumthin ..who else blesses the world’s most cute girl instead of hugging her ) !!!

Guess that was the last tym i got to see her .... i just hope that i get to see her everyday of my life ( in real , not in pics ) . I hope that a day comes in my life when she is the fist and the last thing i see in a day !!! J  

22032013

Well u must be wondering how all this happened . Well lets try and figure this out . So here i was knowing that there was goin to be 10 day training session . TO be honest i don’t remember the first time I saw her , but then slowly and gradually she grew on me. It never occurred to me that I was treading forbidden territory. I dint get to spend much tym with her , shewas unfortunately in an another grp L . But that dint stop me . I tried my best to get max tym with her , initially I dint realise i was getting so attracted to her . Back then it wa all about the way she made me feel ...... i.e Happy , a feeling which had over the period of tym become quite alien to me . I did everything from setting up the name plates in an order tht I get a seat closest to her and just now to overdo things sometimes made myself on the opposite end of the room ( far yet getting a good view of her for the whole day ) To be truthful , on the last day of the program i think she got a bit suspicious abt me. I am not sure .. but i surely felt this. Hence on that eventful day I rearranged back the name plates ( which had been kept next each other intentionally the night before ) as i was getting a feeling that she was getting uncomfortable . The last day ended quite uneventfully , with her leaving amongst the first of the lot. I so wish to have given her one last ( first) hug ..but decided against it and eventually ended up blessing her with my hand over her head ( wtf ???? Ya i know , i later felt as if i was her Father or sumthin ..who else blesses the world’s most cute girl instead of hugging her ) !!!

Guess that was the last tym i got to see her .... i just hope that i get to see her everyday of my life ( in real , not in pics ) . I hope that a day comes in my life when she is the fist and the last thing i see in a day !!! J  

18032013

So .... a bad day at wrk ..... only gud thing ... a few pleasantries exchanged betn us ..... she asked me if i had lunch :) ( not to forget u kept asking that to her all these days ... so dont get ur hopes up ... it was only natural ) ....I never said i was getting hopes up .... I know the truth ..... nyways i gotta go and try to sleeep now .... have to start early tomorrow .....  

The Introduction !!!

So its a Sunday !!! And I cant work coz I am Unwell !!!! And she is not online obviously for the fact that Sunday is a Non Working Day ( For those who dont get it , We both work in the Same Company , though our offices may be arnd 1000 kms (1024 to be more precise ) apart. So apart from work the other reason that keeps me going to office is the fact that she is genrally online on the Off Chat  ..... Even a mere Hi !!! from here brightens my whole day !!!! Does she know abt hw i feel for her ???? Do u think i'd be writing this here had she known ???? :P 

Anyways ....I met her around a month ago in a training prog ..... Love at First Sight ???? No way !!! I dint even notice her till the 3rd day (among the 2 dozen + participants ) ...... So why notice her at all after the 3rd day ???? We will come back to that in sum tym . before that let me give u a backgrnd of my love life , i fell for a girl for the first tym in class 10th ..... but we were just not destined to be together ( i wont prefer getting into the details on this one ) , so the net girl i fell for was arnd 3 years later (after the 1st was over) , i never thought i'd fall in love again ...and here i was my head over my heels over tis cute girl ..... somehow i managed to let her know abt my feelings for her .... it again dint work out ...I am quite sure she was willing to be with me but dint have the strength to standup to her family ( was a Jain btw ) and eventually got married to my utter dismay !!! that ws way back in 2009-10 . 

 Post thiss fiasco , i was convinced that Love was not my cup of tea .... So i closed myself completely to the concept or idea of Love and started leading a life of a Loner ( not for the 1st time in my life ) .... I can even accept the fact that I Somehow convinced myself into believing that I was better of Alone than with anyone else . But then I met her ... just to not disclose her identity let us call her Miss R ( yes her name starts with R ) . 

Ritee now I need to Check out of the Hotel , so i am cutting this conversation ( with Myself !! ) short . Will catch u back soon