11042013(1)

Dear Diary , 

As i was about to board the train today , i saw this crippled guy with undeveloped hands and legs .... he is always  there on the bridge at bilaspur ..... i still remember the first time i saw him ..... all helpless ..... sitting there staring at the train tracks ...... i was so moved by his state that i had to put in a good effect to grill those tears in the eyes .... i wondered what has he done to deserve this ..... I felt so sorry for him .... but now in due course of tym ...... things have changed .... in the past 4-5 months i have crossed the bridge a good 20-30 times ...... Sometimes i give him some money , sometimes i am in such hurry that i ignore him ..... maybe it is human nature to get used to things u see regularly ...... So after that 1st day , i might have given him alms a few times but never have i even looked into his eyes ... but today as i was passing him ..... i looked into his eyes .... I could see that he had recognised me ...... and without even "begging" ( really sorry about using that word ) ..without even saying a word a he communicated .... those eyes begged help .... unlike the 1st time when i had handed him a 500/- note this tym i gave him only 50 /- . And i walked away .... for a very long tym i couldnt get those eyes off my mind ..... i hate when a human has to plead for help to another human ..... what have i done to to be at this place .... and what has he done to have to settle for that place . May be its just fate ...may be .....

           I just hope i am not content by just handing over that 50/- or for that matter of fact even a 500/- note to the guy ...... I just hope not ... coz about an year ago the Sai I know wouldnt have been content by that ....... he might not have been able to make a better contribution but he would have never been content ..... he would have intended to do something better .... atleast intended

Basically what i am trying to zero down to is ... the past 2 months have drastically changed the course of my life ...... I want happiness for myself .... anything wrong with that ??? No way !!! But dont forget that there are other ppl out there who need your help .. Dont immerse yourself so much into yourself that you stopp seeing these ppl completely .... never ever turn a blind eye or a dumb ear to someone again .....  just coz you are closing your eyes doesnt mean that they are not there ..... i dont remember you going an offering a dinner to a poor family for very long tym now ..... Son you are changing ... may be for your good .. and i really hope things work out for you but what is the cost you are willing to pay for it ????